change is hard.

i am in grad school at uw. 

a few short years from now, I will have an MSW (masters in social work). that is, as long as i don’t give up. and i’m determined not to give up. 


i was at a social gathering the other day, and was asked what i planned to do with my new degree, once i had it. my response, “i really want to change the world.”

that sounds incredibly trite. but it’s true. i do want to make a change.

but here’s the thing: change is hard. 

one of my projects for school this quarter is to find some aspect of my personal well-being that i would like to improve, and make tangible efforts to do so. the purpose of this assignment is to gain compassion for others, who i may be asking to make changes. 

i chose running. my goal was to run three days a week, and slowly build up my mileage. 

within a few weeks, i had decreased my goal to running twice a week. 

and now, 8 weeks into it, i consider myself accomplished if i can run once on the weekends. 

oh, and also: my mileage has remained consistent.

the point of this is not to write down how i have failed. the point is that change is hard. 

it’s SO HARD.

as a social worker, my goal every day is to encourage change. in my current line of work, i am hoping that children can change from having an unsafe home to having a safe one.

i’m hoping parents can change their lifestyles and get their children back at home with them. 

and i’m hoping that Jesus will give me the change i need to be a gracious person in the midst of it all.

sometimes i fail at change. sometimes i look around and the goals i had for myself are so far behind me, i can’t even remember what they were. 

sometimes i have moments where i think i can’t change at all, so why even try.

and sometimes, i look around and i realize that if i were to stand side by side with the person i was a year ago, i’d be amazed.

because i’m not who i was. 

i’ve changed. 

and change is hard. 

but it can be done. 

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